Fill me up, Lord

"You will seek me, & find me when you seek me w/ all your heart," God says. But that is not the whole story. I'm not just a searcher. I'm also a hider. You too. We have to come face-to-face w/ our tendency to hide, to get lost. ~John Ortberg, Love Beyond Reason

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Pepsi & Banking

When you are depressed, there's nothing like drinking a good, cold Diet Caffeine Free Pepsi. Or as my cousin Gretchen calls them, "No-No Cokes". (No sugar, no caffeine)

Totally off subject, can I tell you how MUCH I love paying my bills online? It is SUCH a pleasure, and I have now become one of those people who balances their check book at least 1-2x a day. It's crazy! I never even used to open my bank statements.

As I was looking through my check book today, I can't believe all the freaking $$ and TIME I am spending at Jewel and Dominicks! Like what the heck? I should buy stock! And I know not all of it is groceries, but I end up buying stuff for a party, or for school or something...must analyze and process....

I have a problem. Like, "hi my name is literacygirl and i am a compulsive credit card payor". Okay, so some of you know that I have this credit card debt that I am really striving to pay off. Okay, here's my time to be real and authentic with y'all: I went through a period where I didn't open my mail. I didn't even get my mail. I got warnings from the post office that they were going to stop all delivery even. I used to run up really high charges on my credit card, and then I wouldn't pay the co. for 3-4 months. Eventually, after they phone harrassed me, I'd make a payment. And, I would pay the amount in full! Well, then I stopped babysitting and quit my part-time job. I had no idea how this would affect my lifestyle. I never even gave it a 2nd thought. I didn't even know I had a "lifestyle". This economic change was about $6,000 annually. So, with the lack of funds coming in, and me not paying these bills, and I wasn't even OPENING my bills, or GETTING the mail, things finally came to a head. And I had to GET REAL as Dr. Phil says.

Okay, so now I really don't even use my credit cards. But I am still working on paying 2 of them off. I have made great progress on this over the past year. I paid one other one off, I am half way done with the other, and still have my DISCOVER which is the one I use in an emergency.

Here's where the confession comes in. I cannot WAIT to have this credit card paid off. Everytime I make a payment, I seriously get a rush and a high. I mean you have no idea!!! The problem is, I get super exciting about paying it off, and then I decide, "OOOOH, I should make an EXTRA payment!". And every once in awhile that is fine. But then I get a little crazy in la cabeza and start paying the card off with money I don't even have. And it's all online, so I am just clicking away. The feeling I get from doing this is so extreme....I feel like a compulsive gambler, I just can't stop. But I must (sigh).

4 Comments:

  • At 10:32 PM, May 20, 2006, Blogger Catherine said…

    You said:

    "Okay, so now I really don't even use my credit cards. But I am still working on paying 2 of them off. I have made great progress on this over the past year. I paid one other one off, I am half way done with the other, and still have my DISCOVER which is the one I use in an emergency."

    Good for you LiteracyGirl!!
    Do you know WHY you did/do these things?

     
  • At 1:12 PM, May 21, 2006, Blogger Literacygirl said…

    Good for you LiteracyGirl!!
    Do you know WHY you did/do these things?

    What things? Why did I overspend on my credit card? Because I had no idea how much income I had going in. With my extra job, I could pretty much do as I pleased.

    In terms of not opening mail... simply avoidance issues, also my organizational issue of "Where do I put it?".

    I think a lot of it is organizationally related. Plus, really when I had my part time job, I did not have a budget, I spended as I pleased, and always had 5-6000 in my checking account at a time.

    You know what, I bet my mortgage had a lot to do with it too, in terms of my cash flow being lower. I didn't think of that.

     
  • At 9:34 PM, May 21, 2006, Blogger nyukers said…

    hey--wow--talk about some interesting behaviors!!!

    I think I would freak out if I were in credit card debt--good for you for paying it off.

    I like my coke with caffeine!

     
  • At 1:11 PM, May 22, 2006, Anonymous Kate said…

    Hey Literacy Girl:

    This is too cool that you have a blog. Now I can enjoy your random thoughts and profound insights all the time (not just the few times I year that I see you)! Anyway, I totally relate to the confession about not opening mail. I mean, I usually do, but there have been weeks / seasons where it all goes into a pile - that I ignore as it gets bigger. I usually open and pay the bills - but I have missed a few critical pieces of correspondence (like license plate renewal or changes to my condo association policy) because it went un-opened in the ignored pile. Aaack! It's a response to feeling overwhelmed with responsibility - plus an organizational thing for me, too - I just don't have a good system or place to deal with it all.

    By the way this is my first blog post EVER!! How exciting!

     

Post a Comment

<< Home